[Continued from: Seating Arrangements] I stood a block from my apartment waiting for the light to change before I could cross the street. The twins were a bit behind me talking. Arguing is a better word. Enjeru was agitated and sniping is an even better way to describe it. I was just grateful that their attention wasn’t on me.
Once the bus had disgorged us onto the sidewalk I started for home. When I saw that they had followed me off the bus I gave up the idea of trying to bid them a Good Day and a See You Later. They were following me. I just made sure I had enough of a head start that it would at least allow me the solitude that I had been expecting on the ride. As long as Enjeru didn’t jog up, fall in step with me and start talking I felt that I was doing well enough.
Beyond stepping out of the air controlled bus and sharing a unified reaction of dismay at the heat that radiated off the sidewalk to meet us I hadn’t said much to them and they let me be. Following half a minute behind, their quiet argument started not soon thereafter. Even with the privacy that our distance gave us I still couldn’t put things together. I could feel myself sinking back into my fog state.
As the adjacent crosswalk signal counted down to the point at which I could start to cross my street, I was realizing that I was leading two unknown quantities to my house. Did I want that? The signal across from me went from a red hand to a walking stickperson. I didn’t move. I was paralyzed by the fact that I didn’t know what to do.
I told myself just Go but my Chuck Taylors remained planted. I could hear the twin’s voices as they were catching up to me and I still couldn’t move. I watched the signal across the way count down to zero and the red hand came back up. Traffic started moving again. The twins had caught up by the time the signal showed the white walking figure. My body tipped forward with inertia but then rocked back again when my legs didn’t move. Still frozen. Enjeru started to cross the street but Enzeru stopped beside me. “Are you alright?”
I wasn’t about to tell her anything but heard myself say “I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“You mean you don’t know what you are doing with us.”
“No, just… Yes.”
“I don’t suppose it would help you to know that we don’t know why we are here either.”
“Not much because somehow its my fault that you are here.” I fought the urge to cry. “It’s all my fault.” I was talking about the whole thing. My life, or lack thereof. My characters. My world and theirs. I wasn’t sure what was going on. It was out of control and I knew it had to be my fault.
“Oy! You coming!?” called Enjeru from across the street and her sister waved her off without taking her gaze from me.
Enzeru was wearing the wrap around shades again, but there was no sign of other tech sweeping off of it. They looked just like shades with a gradient tint so that I could actually see her eyes through the smoky glass. “KaMu, listen.” I felt her hand rest on my shoulder “I know this must be hard. I don’t envy your position but I think this is something that we need to sort out sooner rather than later. You may well be the anchor but Enjeru and I are here. We are at least a part of you and we can help. We’ll figure it out together somehow.”
I swallowed and nodded. The traffic started through another cycle.
“Why don’t we go to your house, have something to drink and see if we can start to piece this together?”
“Alright. Okay, but um…“ I started think about the state of my apartment and whether or not I had something edible at the house.
“How about we pick up something over there?” She indicated the Super Mercado that Enjeru was already walking into.
“Y-Yeah, we could I guess…“
“Don’t worry about it. We’ll make Enjeru pay for it.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry.” I mumbled. Her attempt at humor didn’t quite erase the growing embarrassment I was feeling.
“Never apologize for something like that.” She gently took the pack from my shoulder and slung it onto her own.
“C’mon.” She said as she guided me forward into the crosswalk, arm lightly across my shoulders. “I can’t wait to see what Enj is picking out for us.” She didn’t sound enthusiastic at all.